My Antonia

This is my favorite book.  Paul and I around Christmas time started listen to audio books during our breaks.  Not all the time just when we would go on long drive, or while he was scanning and I was painting.  Since then we have slowly listened to quite a few audio books.  Harry Potter 6 &7, Emma, Persuasion, Sherlock Holmes, some of Beowolf, Tale of Two Cities, The Three Musketeers, and now we just finished My Antonia.  I have read My Antonia before, and I loved it before.  So refreshing. Always when it gets to the end of the book it makes me want to cry, it just pulls on my heartstrings, and I believe that it is supposed to do that.  Prompting one to think about the characters in their own life, and what will stick with you as you get older.  Antonia reminds me of my mother, and possible also her grandmother, at least from the stories that I have hear women who are simply meant to be mothers, who  just excel in that. I feel like my mother is one of the those, like Antonia she can work without end, and has pulled herself up by the bootstraps despite many set backs but can just work and work and as a result is able to move forward.  Of course it doesn't say much about the result of Antonia's own children, and perhaps that is better because with so many there can be many diverse paths.  While I hope to be a mother like my mother was, I know that my nature is not the same as hers completely and that will have some benefits for my children and some drawbacks, but that same spirit is not there, although perhaps another is.  Anyway, I still pondering about that book and likely will be for quite sometime.

Also, I learned how to crochet and make Paul a pair of socks/slippers (not sure which one they are),  it is something nice to do with my hands while doing something else and I am always glad to learn a new skill.

My tests went OK, which is to say I did pass all of them, but its not like I got A's.  A's seem almost impossible in this circumstance since it starts at 95 %, and already by 90 you are down to a B.  So passing is fine, but hopefully I will be able to be getting better and not the opposite although it is hard to make myself concentrate right now.

Last Saturday we chaperoned the youth dance which was fun, I made Paul dance, which is fun for me and perhaps torture for him, I feel like the more exposure that he has the more comfortable he will become and eventually he will get slightly more comfortable dancing.  In any case it was fun to chaperone, and observe the youth especially when I went to so many similar youth dances as a teen and it is nice to think about those days and the youth there now and the feelings, emotions and excitement they go through and over what.

We also went to the temple last weekend which was nice, it rained the whole way their...poured actually, so I was just glad that we made it alive. After that it was tropical storm Debby and rained for at least 5 days straight with over 16 inches of water.  So the drought that was here before is completely swept away.

Also this morning I went to a total body fitness class at one of the on campus gyms.  It was good, the gym is VERY nice and it is nice that they offer these classes for free for students.  Even though I am very thin right now it is not related to my dedication to exercise. In fact I am not really diligent at all in exercising.  I walk about 20 minutes to school, usually quite briskly because I am running late and I walk home, and sometimes I go on walks with Paul as well, but that is about it.  It is particularly sad because I am learning or have learned in so many classes about how important exercise is for so many different systems of your body particularly bones...which is course I am worried about, so I am going to try and go to at least one of these classes once a week and when I have time, hopefully more.  It makes one feel better in all ways ones body feel great, one's mind is clearer, and just happier.

So that is a little bit of what is going on here and what is on my mind, some of the plants are doing well, others are dying in the heat, so we will see how things go. Paul got attacked by red ants the other day and had some pretty nasty marks on his legs to show for it, I got semi attacked today, but nothing nearly as bad.

Is it seriously only Tuesday!

I had the most grueling Monday and Tuesday!  We had a test on Monday and then a test today, and seriously these are hard tests, and a 74 is failing so you can't miss very many before you are in hot water.  Anyway, despite studying for 4 days straight, sleeping for 4 hours two days in a row, developing lymphadenopathy in my tonsillar lymph nodes, having an adrenergic reaction pretty much every five minutes, feeling like my tympanic membrane is going to burst, bruising (is this purpura?) the palm of my hand and projecting all sorts of weird symptoms onto myself I am still alive and feeling pretty good, although after this I am going to take a nap and feel even better.  I do however feel like I need to relax because I think my body has been producing a lot of cortisol...or is it my imagination?

Not only am I breathing a sigh of relief, but we are starting our next unit on cancer, not a pretty subject but so interesting. I am not exactly sure what kind of nurse I want to be and it would probably be beneficial to start out med-surg, but I think that oncology could also be really interesting.  Especially because so much new research is constantly changing that field.  So who knows maybe I have found something I like, this is also timely because when clinicals start (like next week) we are on an oncology floor, so I will get a chance to see if I do really like it.  Like, I said (or maybe not) I feel like I have learned so much, and not just theoretical knowledge but learning that I will be applying very soon.

On another note, Paul found out his rank in law school, he is in the top 12% and I believe ranked number 36, so that is pretty good and we are both quite happy that all his hard work and studying lead to such positive results.

tis a gift to be simple

I hate to say that my mood revolves around food, but definitely it can brighten anyone's day.  Yesterday we got a whole HUGE bag of free chocolate croissants, and an avocado.  The croissants are an obvious blessing, who could deny their goodness.  I was not sure when I wanted to eat my half of the avacado, but around 11:30 pm paul made a wonderful little salad with avocado, carrots, spinach and cucumber (the cucumber being from our garden :).  It was so wonderful and really made me appreciate all these little extras we get that make life so wonderful. It amazes me that we live on less than 900 a month and still feel like we have so much, and so many little luxuries.  One example is that I am still able to continue certain hobbies as is Paul.  I have access to a piano when I want, I have art materials, we have a garden, so many small things that make life more enjoyable.  It IS awesome and I couldn't ask for more.  I love our little Corry Village apartment, and our simple life of rarely driving or buying, and I love the satisfaction in knowing that we waste nothing.  Sometimes it makes me wonder how people do spend so much.  Anyway at this moment and especially while eating that salad I am feeling exceedingly grateful.

This is my moment of peace before this weekend because I have two big tests next week, I need to keep my perspective and just work hard and I know I will do well.

also I have not had time to work on this specific painting but the other day I did make a few minor changes, so I will post that

haircut

I got a hair cut! I really needed one and was thankful that a friend from church had the know how and the willingness to help me out.  I am happy to have a change and try some new things with it!

Also we went to a graveyard today, by we I mean part of my clinicalgroup, since that is what dominates most my time.  It was a really nice experience, that might be kind of creepy to say but, here (in the south)  they have beautiful old graveyards will spanish moss and droopy tress and green green grass, it is almost romantic and is definitely slightly spiritual to see the family together and husbands and wives next to each other. We went because of an assignment we had that was looking at patterns in death (children, possible diseases etc...)  Because we are in our first semester they have us do a lot of activities preparing us to be humane, and understanding of circumstances and emotions of patients, families  and grief.

like I said my camera is broken  :( so the only pictures I will be able to take will be on my comp otherwise I would have taken some of the cemetary.

Funny when nothing is going wrong I don't have much to post about.  This week has been pretty good so far, getting up early is happening naturally and not quite as hard as it used to be, sitting through class is still hard, but I can see the things I am learning coming together and I feel like I have a grasp on what I am learning, if I can study through the weekend then I will be doing very very well, I might even have some free time.
Also we are doing community time at a senior center here in Gainesville and they taught me how to crochet, for some reason I though Crocheting was not my think, but I have learned it is actually really fun, although I am no where near an expert it is fun to learn new skills that who knows someday you might actually get to use.  :)

yesterday

since no one reads this i am okay putting this in here.
Yesterday after this seminar in the morning  (info about community nursing)
I stayed for a study session, with our clinical group's mentor.  She couldn't come for an hour and everyone just used  the time to study and by some lunch.
Well, I am poor so I can't buy lunch, rather I could, but I would be paying interest on it next year (both students) and we are trying to follow the profits advice and stay out of debt as much as possible (which means we basically don't buy anything for the next few years).  Not to say that my parents don't help us out a lot, but if we weren't frugal it would totally cancel out.  Anyway, I was starving...i'm always hungry these days.  We have enough food but I just can't seem to get full sometimes, and I am continually loosing weight without wanting to.  We studied for about an hour, which was totally overwhelming because I wasn't prepared for the things that we studied.  I kept emailing paul to come pick me up with no avail, so I knew I was going to have to walk home, which I usually like, but remember I was starving and overwhelmed. So after leaving, I started trekking up the hill, and halfway up I saw the Paul coming to pick me up...tender mercies.  As soon as I got into the car I started crying, I am so overwhelmed, its never been this hard before, I am exhausted, starving and I don't want to eat beans and rice today!  Paul was very understanding, he took me to buy some food, and took some time off from writing his "write onto law review" paper to eat with me, and later go on an evening walk with me.  I know Heavenly Father loves me because Paul got to me before I got to the top of the hill and he knows that I am trying hard and will just give me a break sometimes to make it through, bring me friends, people here that I can relate to, and a husband that talks to me.  I am grateful for what I have, I never wanted to come to Florida but I am grateful we are here,  I am excited to be a nurse and for the hard work and progress that it will force upon me, and am hopeful of the doors it will open so that we can start a family with no student debt and always have the ability to work if the need should arise to support that family.

sigh...

Someone once told me that to be a nurse you have to practically give a pound of flesh, I was skeptical, but now with this first pathophysiology test I am starting to see what they mean.  This is so hard....not hard to understand, but just soooo much stuff to know.  I know I shouldn't say much because seriously I am sure medical school must be harder and people all around me are doing that (with kids!!!).   memorize  lab values..check (easy), now how to interpret and know everything about them that's the hard part....feeling so overwhelmed.

Kind of funny last week we had a health assessment test, and one of the symptoms of chronic pain is sighing, I have noticed I have sighed at least 10 times today....sigh.....if only i could be outside swimming, and now my break is over.